11 Things I’ve Learned from My Online Dating Stint

Let me preface this by saying, WTF. I tell people all the time that coming out of a relationship + a solid run at marriage for six years, feels a lot like what’d I’d imagine it’d feel like being released from prison, and having to be reacclimatized with the world in its current form. You meet people how?! Ghosting, say what?! This shit is weird. Not gonna lie. But what kinda single, independent, bad ass bitch would I be to not give it my best effort? A smart one, some would argue. Spoiler alert — I don’t disagree. Anyhoo, without further delay, here are the 11 observations I’ve picked up on in this world of swiping.

1. So many dudes are sooooo proud of being “never married, no kids” as if that affords them some sort of trophy for being allergic to commitment and banking on their pullout game. If I had a dollar for every profile that touted “no kids, never married”,  I could afford to pay my rent 5 months ahead. 

2. The accidental swipe right makes you feel like a terrible, very shallow human. 

3. If he’s 38+, he will likely feel more comfortable FaceTime-ing you (unscheduled) at 10:30pm on a school night vs. using his fingers. Listen, man. I’m just not ready for that type of commitment. This is moving way too fast. 

4. If you’re really lucky, you might actually find one you like. He’ll invite you out, you’ll laugh together about the very real concept of ghosting, and then he’ll turnaround and ghost you. Don’t worry though, he’ll never not see one of your Instagram stories. Hey, D. ;)

5. Witty conversations are my love language. And witty men are terribly underrated. 

6. You might meet one who will initiate a very deep ass conversation or a cute question game to make you spill all your best (and worst) inner qualities – and out of no where you find yourself imagining life as the stepmother of his 3 (grown ass) children and how you’ll eventually blend your families and then he’ll hit you with the okie doke and completely dis-a-fucking-pear as if y’all didn’t have a whole romantic ass relationship in the messages of the dating app. How rude. 

7. The blast from the past is always more fun when you start the conversation outside of the dating app. Otherwise it’s just awkward. AF. 

8. Men are generally lame. I could write a whole blog post about lame ass bios I’ve come across. Don’t worry, I screenshotted. 

9. Don’t drink and swipe. The next day you will SWEAR that someone hacked your account and spend entirely too much time un-matching with people you SWEAR you’ve never even seen. 

10. There’s a big market for polyamorous dating. Someone should create an app for that. And get these damn people off the regular shit. 

11. My turn offs include being asked questions about my turn ons and turn offs and my “type” without affording me the opportunity to decide where you as a fucking individual fall on the spectrum —because you’ve already turned me off.

The list has grown since this was written, believe me. But I’ve deleted the apps for the foreseeable future to truly focus on what’s in front of me. I have enough on my plate, and I don’t like my food to touch. May or may not be back for seconds. Stay tuned.

xo,

Aquia 

Had a Man Last Year, Life Goes On...

*cues Drake*

I feel like there’s an elephant in the room that might need addressing – or maybe there isn’t and I’m the elephant in a room full of humans that I think are oddly staring at me. Whichever. If you’ve been following me for a while, know me at all, or are new here and just very observant, you likely know that I got married a little over 3 years ago. Now while I’ll spare you the intricacies of what could be a New York Time’s Best Seller, I’ll have you know that that relationship has since come to an end. 

On my birthday, in April, I posted this photo on Instagram and talked about freeing myself from the burden of giving a damn about what people think. And for the most part, I’ve done that. I’ve come to a point that in a world where so many of us are fishing for likes, I’d much rather be respected. Respected for my strength, my endurance, my forgiving heart, and my decency as a human being. Respected for the hate I don’t have in my heart toward those who have wronged me. Respected for the love I have to give, and the courage it took to realize it was time to walk away.

I am guilty of having judged people around me for having gone through something I was just ignorant to. Judged the act of divorce and then turned around and had an opinion on the time it took for them to move on. WHO WAS I? How unfair is that?

Imagine going through the toughest time of your life and on top dealing with the obvious ramifications of that, also knowing that people are seemingly basking in what they think is your misery. No one wants to be that person. So don’t.

Be kind to strangers and people you know alike. As kind as you would be to someone wearing a sign that told you in one word what they might be going through – cancer. divorce. death of a loved one. miscarriage. depression. anxiety. Impart the same grace you would want to be imparted unto you in your darkest moments, and speak life into people, even when you can’t fathom their hardship. 

I still get frustrated with myself for having loved the wrong person, but I am so grateful for the lesson in discernment, and for my restored faith. I surprised myself with my strength. Divorce is not a marketing scheme, nor a means to appear victimized. No one plans for the demise of a covenant they entered into before God, family, and friends, and in this day in age – the internet. No relationship is immune to the sorts of pressures and external factors that can inevitably bring it to an unexpected end. Remember that. No one plans for this. But I did plan to live a life of happiness and prosperity – and anyone or anything that attempts to be a hindrance to that plan… well, they all gotta go. In the always powerful words of r.h. sin – “Let him go. Keep yourself.” Par for the course. 

Now, if anyone has any tips on navigating this atrocity that is millennial dating, send them my way. lol Kidding. Sorta. 

Keep me lifted in prayer, yall. 

xo, 

Aquia

We're Having A Baby... Shower

Not for me. Ha. I know I've cried wolf too many times and I deserve whatever happens to me, but I am NOT pregnant. Sorry to disappoint. My friend Jazmune, however, IS pregnant with a little girl and I'm thrilled about it. 

I had the opportunity to host a baby shower for her  and I was super excited because I hadn't done an event in a while. And by "super excited," I mean super stressed, but also excited, but also very much really very stressed. To know me is to know that I don't handle stress very well. It's usually written all over my face or I'm pretty vocal about it. That's the number one reason I probably couldn't do this for a living. But every now and then, I remember how much fun it is to have an idea and make it all come to fruition. There's a whole lot of gratification in seeing your hard work and planning come to life. 

I've been DYING for an opportunity to make a balloon arch. And I finally had the chance so I took it. What I didn't do is record it, so no tutorial this time around, sorry (I know you were all sitting on the edge of your seats to see a balloon arch tutorial from me). But if there's an actual demand, I'd love to find another opportunity to create this magic and share the step-by-step. 

I feel like desserts are the best (most photogenic) part of any party, so I really wanted to highlight the dessert table. It was one of the first things you saw when you came in, and I thought it was so pretty. The cake came from a local cafe and bakery (Cretia's) and was SO good. I love me a Cretia's cake. 

Some of the other activities included a DIY Italian Soda Bar and a DIY "Mom-mosa" Bar (of course) and a donut wall. Listen, that donut wall was cute, but I think that scared people off. Not ONE donut was taken off the "wall" and consumed. The DIY Italian Soda Bar was something I'd never done, but I thought it was a cool way to incorporate a fun non-alcoholic beverage into the event. Not to mention they were yummy. 

Event details

Venue: The Bevy

Cake: Cretia's

Custom "Camryn" Sign: here

Donut Wall Peg Board: here

Balloon Arch Strip: here

Tiered Cupcake Stand: here

Pink Camryn Sign with gold ring: DIY 

If ever you have an event you'd like help planning for, I'd love to help! :) 

Xo, 

Aquia 

Christmas 2017 Wish List

Can you believe we are only 39 days away from my most favorite holiday of all time? Believe it. I'm not sure where 2017 went, but for many reasons, I'm about over it. 

As I've gotten older, I've found that finding an answer to the "what's on your Christmas list" question has gotten increasingly more difficult to answer. I mean, I really don't NEED anything. As cliche as it sounds, I have my health, my family, my puppy dog, the blood of Christ – I mean, what more can a girl wish for? Trick question... because then I remember all of the designer bags I've had my eye on and the household appliances that would make adulting a little easier. 

This year, the few things I want are mainly aspirational – meaning, if I don't get them I promise not to throw a temper tantrum, but they are just things that I'm drawn to aesthetically. Like, I wouldn't mind having them in my closet... but it's not the end of the world if they don't end up there (I hope my husband isn't reading this. And if he is, I hope you aren't taking this literally because I dare you to not...nevermind lol). 

Anyway, here are a few things that made my short list: 

1. I really love the timelessness of the YSL Monogram bag so that definitely made the list. And, as someone who has denounced wallets and now carries card cases, the YSL version wouldn't be a bad upgrade. 

2. GUCCI. Brrr. 

3. Coffee table books. Ya'll know I've been on a decorating frenzy. My living room and kitchen areas are almost complete. I'm ordering a credenza soon and that will complete the space as far as furniture is concerned, but I'm not in the stage of collecting all knick knacks I can find. That includes coffee table books. The Tom Ford, Vogue and Chanel ones top my list. 

4. Because I'm an adult... er... lazy adult, I REALLY want (need) a robot vacuum. I happened to get the defective golden doodle from the liter and he unfortunately sheds like crazy, and this puppy mama ain't got time to be sweeping floors every day as a result. So, one of those would be especially awesome. 

5. While we're on the topic of adulthood, another must have item is the Ring doorbell. Opening my door as felt a lot like playing Russian Roulette because you never know what you're gonna get when the unexpected doorbell rings. So it would be nice to track packages and people alike with a camera-enabled doorbell. 

6. Also on the adult list (sorta), are a pair of new glasses. Cute ones, preferably. I'm pretty much bling and wear contacts everyday, but I would love to switch the game up sometimes with a nice pair of frames... think Devil Wears Prada style. 

7. Have I told ya'll how much I used to hate candles but how much I am now obsessed with them? Well, I am obsessed. While my favorites are still by Wax Cabin Co (get you one), I have a couple Diptyque candles on my list because I'm fancy (and basic) AF. 

8. My home bar is pretty impressive if I do say so myself. I have all the bar things – more than one muddler, bar spoons, shakers, jiggers, strainers, you name it. But what I don't have is a pretty gold wine rack, gold lined coupe glasses (I said gold-lined, I only have regular ones lol), or a whiskey barrel. Because... necessary. 

9. If my husband is feeling super giving, I wouldn't mind a nice band to accompany my engagement/wedding ring. Lol

10. And last, but certainly not least, I am accepting all the gift cards – which mainly means Target. But Homegoods, TJ Maxx and the likes will also do. 

Stay tuned for a gift guide coming soon! I plan to break it down by types of people, to make things easy. 

What's on your wish list? 

xo, 

Aquia